Baby Talk
by ali3nbabe
Summary: I WANTED A FIC INVOLVING JOHNNY OKAY


Charity was woken up by the faint sound of crying coming from somewhere in the house. If she was in her own bed, in her safe space, the noise wouldn't have even made her stir, but years of affairs and danger had made her a light sleeper in unfamiliar places. Granted, she had stayed over at Vanessa's plenty of times by now, but she still wasn't 100% comfortable there just yet.

Coming to her senses after a few seconds of wakefulness, she realised that the crying was coming from Johnny's room. Rolling over to wake Vanessa she remembered that the vet had been on call the night before and had been completely exhausted when they had finally gone to bed. In fact, so exhausted that they hadn't had sex, making this the first time that they had spent the night together just sleeping. Deciding to see to Johnny herself, and praying that Vanessa wouldn't think that she was overstepping, Charity slipped out of bed and tiptoed out of the bedroom, across the hallway, and into the boy's bedroom.

Johnny was stood up in his cot, clutching his teddy bear, with tears rolling down his face. Unsure of what to do, Charity started at the little boy for a second before he lifted his arms, signalling his desire to be picked up. For her part, the landlady was shocked that Vanessa's son felt comfortable enough with her to allow her to pick him up. She had spent some time with him in the past few weeks as her relationship with Vanessa had grown more serious, and he had even had a few playdates with Moses, but this was different.

"Sod it," she whispered to herself before bending down and picking the toddler up out of his cot and situating him on her hip. The boy's cried immediately stopped and he lay his head down on his mother's girlfriend's shoulder. Still not really sure what to do with the now sniffling toddler in her arms, and still in slight shock at her current situation, Charity looked around the room slightly wide-eyed until she clocked a rocking chair in the corner. Walking over to it slowly, as if afraid to jostle Johnny, she lowered herself down into it and began a slight rocking motion back and forth.

Looking down she realised that Johnny had a tight hold of the collar of her t-shirt, "Good grip you've got there, ey?", a smile ghosted across her face, "Must get it from ya Mum. That woman's grip is lethal, I tell ya. It's a wonder I've got any hair left... Not that I should be telling you that." Shaking her head at herself, Charity cursed her inability to act appropriately around anyone, even children. Granted, Johnny was basically asleep again and he was too young to understand what she was talking about, but she knew that telling him about his mother's sex life was not something she should be doing. Not for the first time, she wondered about her complete lack of a maternal instinct. Sure, she loved her kids, maybe not in a conventional way but she would do anything for them and only wanted them to have the best lot in life and at the end of the day that's all that mattered. She supposed she still had time to prove herself worthy of Moses and maybe even Noah, but it was Debbie she felt sorry for. Too much had happened between them for Debbie to ever think of her as a good mum and Charity didn't blame her one bit. Debbie's upbringing was her biggest regret. She knew that there was no way that she would have been able to provide for a baby, considering she was only a child herself when she had fallen pregnant, but that didn't stop the guilt from eating at her. A day didn't go by that she didn't wish that things had been different for the two of them.

"You're lucky, you know?" she whispered into the darkness, knowing that by know Johnny was fast asleep but still needing to voice her thoughts, "you've got a great Mum. The best, even. My kids haven't got that. I try, but I always screw up. They deserve better than me, they deserve a proper, normal Mum and I'll never be able to give them that. I don't know how to be that. My own Mum wasn't exactly the best role model."

Coughing slightly to clear the lump that had formed in her throat, Charity leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on the crown of Johnny's head. She had never got to have moments like this with Debbie and she didn't see Moses as much as she probably should. Noah was the only one of her children she had had these moments with and that was years ago now. Sat in the darkness of an unfamiliar bedroom, comforting a child that wasn't hers, Charity made a silent vow to herself. She was going to do everything she could to make her kids proud of her. She would probably fail or screw up in some way or other, but she was going to try. She didn't want her kids to grow up and think of her in the same way that she thought of her own mother.

"I'm gonna do right by them from now on," she croaked into the darkness, voice thick with uncharacteristic emotion, "it might take me a while to get the hang of it, but I'm gonna be better."

Placing another gentle kiss on Johnny's head she stood and walked over to the cot. Slowly prying his hand from her collar, she bent down and lay him gently on the mattress, hoping to God that she wouldn't wake him. After making sure that the toddler was still asleep she turned to leave the room but was stopped in her tracks by Vanessa who was leaning against the door frame.

"Hi," the vet whispered, conscious of her sleeping son and not wanting to spook Charity, who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"How long have you been stood there?"

"Long enough."

"Oh, God. I didn't mean to overstep, he was crying, and you were flat out, and I just thought it would be easier if-" Charity's rambling was cut off by Vanessa's lips meeting her own.

Pulling back, Charity's brow furrowed, "What was that for?" she asked.

"For being good to my boy," Vanessa smiled softly, unused to seeing such a vulnerable side of her girlfriend.

"Oh," Charity breathed out on a laugh of gratefulness.

Taking the other woman's hand, Vanessa gently pulled her out of Johnny's bedroom and back into her own. Charity knew that Vanessa wanted to say something, but she wasn't going to prompt her. She would happily pretend that the vet hadn't heard anything she had said, but she knew she wasn't going to be that lucky. Both women climbed back into bed and Charity was about to lean over and switch off the lamp when she felt Vanessa's hand on her arm stopping her.

"You are a good Mum."

Charity arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow in disbelief. Charity Dingle had been called many things in her 41 years, but she had never been called a good mum before and she wasn't buying it.

Rolling her eyes, Vanessa continued, "Okay, so maybe you're not going to win any awards anytime soon, _but_ you love your kids and you would do anything for any of them. Hell, you've done plenty for all of them in your time, and that's all that matters really."

"He's lucky, you know?"

"What? Who is?"

"Johnny."

"What do you mean?"

"He's lucky. To have a Mum like you. To have a Mum at all," Charity whispered, afraid that speaking the words would make her too vulnerable; would open her up to be hurt.

Smiling sadly, Vanessa pulled Charity close to her and squeezed her tightly, "Your Mum was an idiot and she didn't deserve you, and she definitely doesn't deserve her grandkids. They're a testament to you, Charity, no matter what anyone says."

Overwhelmed by Vanessa's words, Charity spoke before she could think what she was saying, "I love you."

Eyes going wide at the worlds that had just left her lips, she clapped her hand over her mouth. She had realised that she loved the other woman a while ago, but she had hoped that she could keep it to herself, at least for a little while longer. Love had never served her well and she knew the minute she told Vanessa how she really felt that she would be giving the other woman the opportunity to crush her. Love was painful and coarse, and she didn't know if she was built to withstand the destruction it caused any more. Her days of emerging from the ruins of failed relationship after failed relationship had worn her down and she knew that if she and Vanessa turned sour that it would ruin her.

"Excuse me?" Vanessa looked as shocked as Charity did.

"Nothing."

"Did you just say what I think you just said?"

"No."

"Charity," the vet raised an eyebrow, giving what she probably thought was an intimidating look, but was actually annoyingly adorable, "don't mess with me. It's not fair."

Knowing that there was no way out of the situation without causing a lot of hurt, Charity nodded, "Okay yeah, I love you. So what?"

Laughing, Vanessa took Charity's hands in her face and looked the other blonde directly in the eyes, "I love you, too, ya plonker."

"You do?" Charity couldn't quite believe her ears. She didn't deserve Vanessa's kindness, never mind her love. She wanted both, of course she did, she was selfish like that. But she had never dreamed in a million years that Vanessa would offer themvso willingly.

"Course I do, you silly mare."

With that Vanessa brought their lips together and it took Charity a few seconds to respond. She was still in shock. She couldn't believe that this woman, this kind, generous, caring woman loved her. Not only loved her but loved her in spite, or maybe even because, of who she was and all the terrible things she had done and been through.

When they finally parted, Charity let out a low chuckle, clarifying at Vanessa's confused look, "Your old man's not gonna like this."

"Sod him. Sod the lot of them. It me and you now, babe. If people don't like it then they can do one."


End file.
